Ok, so of course hate is a much stronger word than I want. But, let's face it, "Love/Always Knows Just What to Say to Make You Feel 5 Years Old Again" just doesn't have the same ring to it. But, readers of the internet rejoice! I have single-handedly provided you something unique! May I present: A 20-something who struggles with follow-through! Even as I sit here to write this, I'm not sure what to say. Not only have I failed to complete any challenge in the last few days (with the exception of an occasional early rise) but I haven't even bothered to try.
Perhaps my lack of interest in pursuing this whole thing started sometime last week. My mother has a friend. This friend and I have never been what you call close. This friend had knee replacement surgery a few weeks ago. So one night my mother called me and told me that her friend was experiencing some melancholy as a result of a few things. She suggested that it might be nice if I sent her a get well card with a "What I Like About You" inside.
My reaction to this quest was peculiar. One side of me was offended that she could so cavalierly dole out my "What I Like About Yous" like halloween candy at someone else's house. "She just doesn't get it." The other side thinks "Isn't this kind of the point?" "And what's the harm?" It's just a little note. Well, I have yet to complete this request or any "What I Like About You" since. I suppose I'm making a big deal out of nothing and that perhaps sending this particular note will be the most compliant with the purpose of this challenge. Looking for something in this woman who I've never seen eye to eye with may be exactly what I should be doing.
During this phone call, she also told me that she had read through the rest of this blog. She commented on what I'd said about everyone knowing who I was in our line of work. She told me that just because she was doing it shouldn't be a reason for me not to do it. She then pointed to the others in our field who are in a similar position. I am not the only child of a legend in the field. Somehow this is supposed to make me feel better. As far as I know, everyone my age who is just starting out in any field struggles with their competence in something new. Why is it so unreasonable for me to want to be a little more invisible while I stumble along? She also reminded me that in this wonderful world full of technology and ever-expanding visibility that I should be careful what I write here because every future employer and/or client can read what I've written. I suppose there's only so much one can expect of their mother, huh? I guess I appreciate that regardless of the situation, she'll never stop thinking about what's best for me.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
"We Don't Do That in This Family" or Brother
The other day I had this exchange with my brother via text:
Me-"What I like about you: for better or worse you have the guts to be what you want to be"
Kid-"What?"
Me-"It's called a compliment"
Kid-"We don't do that in this family lol"
Me-"All the more reason why"
Kid-"Oh well...you seem nice :p"
"Mom said she'll read your blog tomorrow"
I'm almost at a loss for words as to how to discuss this. I'm sure it is not all that uncommon for families to be so busy and preoccupied with doing all the things that make family life great that they forget about the actual human beings involved. This is a bit of a "stop and smell the roses" moment. My family is so busy running around from here to there trying to do as much as we can, in the interest of enriching life, that we forget (or don't bother?) to appreciate those we're trying to make life better for. Maybe we've just become so separated from the family unit that we are only interested in making sure our individual life experiences are fulfilling and we stop looking any farther than ourselves. This is a simplification of course as the family interest is behind a lot of the things we do regardless of how close to the top of the priority list.
I suppose the purpose of this experiment is to see what change I can effect in my life. I've obviously identified a place where there is room for improvement. Making a change here though will require commitment of not just myself but the rest of the family. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that life has and will continue to be in the way and will undoubtedly make this difficult.
Me-"What I like about you: for better or worse you have the guts to be what you want to be"
Kid-"What?"
Me-"It's called a compliment"
Kid-"We don't do that in this family lol"
Me-"All the more reason why"
Kid-"Oh well...you seem nice :p"
"Mom said she'll read your blog tomorrow"
I'm almost at a loss for words as to how to discuss this. I'm sure it is not all that uncommon for families to be so busy and preoccupied with doing all the things that make family life great that they forget about the actual human beings involved. This is a bit of a "stop and smell the roses" moment. My family is so busy running around from here to there trying to do as much as we can, in the interest of enriching life, that we forget (or don't bother?) to appreciate those we're trying to make life better for. Maybe we've just become so separated from the family unit that we are only interested in making sure our individual life experiences are fulfilling and we stop looking any farther than ourselves. This is a simplification of course as the family interest is behind a lot of the things we do regardless of how close to the top of the priority list.
I suppose the purpose of this experiment is to see what change I can effect in my life. I've obviously identified a place where there is room for improvement. Making a change here though will require commitment of not just myself but the rest of the family. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that life has and will continue to be in the way and will undoubtedly make this difficult.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Mother: Day Whatever it is
When I first started writing this blog, I sent the link to my parents and asked that they find a few moments, if they could, to take a look. I hadn't heard anything from either of them until this morning. I got an email from my mother, who has been in Jamaica on vacation with a girlfriend for the last week, telling me she had spent an hour reading all my posts. She had a few comments to make, which she couldn't figure out how to actually post on the blog, god love her.
Her first comment was about my use of the word "see-you-next-tuesday." I had actually used the word which she scolded me for and I have since changed it to the above. I figured she would probably take offense to it.
She echoed my feelings that I shouldn't be defacing public property and should find a way to leave my words without doing any damage. I'm still struggling with how to go about that challenge in a way that makes me comfortable. I'm thinking maybe chalk would be a good way to go. Easy to remove and should write on most surfaces. Hmm...
She also suggested I try to give my "What I Like About Yous" to someone I don't really like very much or know very well. I think this is an excellent suggestion. By looking deeper into someone I don't care for, perhaps I might discover something I'd always missed about them. I don't know that I can make this change for the rest of the time, but I'll certainly try to work that in on occasion. If my purpose is to find those things about others that are enjoyable qualities, I think this is a good exercise. She also asked if I needed to write it down or if I couldn't just say it. I think I'll stick to writing it down but mostly because I think handwritten communications are suffering a slow death, one which I have no interest in contributing to if I can help it.
Finally, she expressed her abhorrence for the idea of getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Fortunately, I don't care too much for it either and get up at 6. I've not been very good at this recently but am actually pretty excited to get back to it. Last week I had some things to do in the morning that kept me from being able to simply enjoy the morning time. Tomorrow will be a 5am rising but that'll just make Tuesday's 6am a little easier.
As far as I know, she hasn't received it yet, but my mother was actually the recipient of yesterday's "What I Like About You." John and I were having a drink after a movie and got to talking about our futures and where they're headed. More importantly, where we want them to go and how we can get there. Naturally, this led to an evaluating of our skills and what we might be qualified for. Also, how our current jobs were responsible for developing (or not) certain transferable skills.
My mother happens to be in the same line of work I am. Or rather, I'm in the same field she is. It is a very small community where everybody knows everybody else. As soon as I say my name, everyone in the room thinks to themselves "I wonder if she's related to..." It is sometimes a difficult position to be in given I'm still very new to this type of work and still have a lot to learn. My mother, on the other hand, has been doing it for, well, I won't say exactly how long for her sake, but a while. She is well-known, well liked and very respected in the field. I wish that I could be a bit more anonymous while I stumble along learning my way.
Anyway, as we continued our discussion and I said things like "I'm not sure whether this is what I want to do with my life" and "The one thing I was sure I DIDN'T want to do was get stuck doing what my mother does." Not to say it isn't respectable and important work, it's just not everything is for everyone. As we proceeded and I was thinking more about it, I was struck by a thought I had yet to have previously. What if the reason I'm so resistant to my line of work is because I'm afraid I'll never be as good at it as she is. It's impossible to continue doing this in this community without being known as my mother's daughter.
I should also add a bit of family history here before I share what I told her. My mother is not my biological mother. She is my biological father's sister. She has, however, raised me since I was only a few months old and is the only mother I've ever had or ever want to have. I have always been and will continue to be incredibly grateful to her. During our conversation last night John and I were looking back at the paths our parents have taken to get where they are. I realized that at my age, my mother had recently graduated law school, was working full time and was raising her brother's infant daughter all on her own. It was at that moment that I realized I had to tell my mother exactly what I thought of her. I texted this to her: "I just wanted you to know I don't know how you do it and you are absolutely fabulous and I can only hope to be more like you one day."
The length on this post has gotten a bit out of hand. I am hopeful that tomorrow I can begin the week with a renewed sense of urgency towards my challenges and that I can get back on the wagon. I've been lazy mostly and need to get my act back together. Until then.
Her first comment was about my use of the word "see-you-next-tuesday." I had actually used the word which she scolded me for and I have since changed it to the above. I figured she would probably take offense to it.
She echoed my feelings that I shouldn't be defacing public property and should find a way to leave my words without doing any damage. I'm still struggling with how to go about that challenge in a way that makes me comfortable. I'm thinking maybe chalk would be a good way to go. Easy to remove and should write on most surfaces. Hmm...
She also suggested I try to give my "What I Like About Yous" to someone I don't really like very much or know very well. I think this is an excellent suggestion. By looking deeper into someone I don't care for, perhaps I might discover something I'd always missed about them. I don't know that I can make this change for the rest of the time, but I'll certainly try to work that in on occasion. If my purpose is to find those things about others that are enjoyable qualities, I think this is a good exercise. She also asked if I needed to write it down or if I couldn't just say it. I think I'll stick to writing it down but mostly because I think handwritten communications are suffering a slow death, one which I have no interest in contributing to if I can help it.
Finally, she expressed her abhorrence for the idea of getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Fortunately, I don't care too much for it either and get up at 6. I've not been very good at this recently but am actually pretty excited to get back to it. Last week I had some things to do in the morning that kept me from being able to simply enjoy the morning time. Tomorrow will be a 5am rising but that'll just make Tuesday's 6am a little easier.
As far as I know, she hasn't received it yet, but my mother was actually the recipient of yesterday's "What I Like About You." John and I were having a drink after a movie and got to talking about our futures and where they're headed. More importantly, where we want them to go and how we can get there. Naturally, this led to an evaluating of our skills and what we might be qualified for. Also, how our current jobs were responsible for developing (or not) certain transferable skills.
My mother happens to be in the same line of work I am. Or rather, I'm in the same field she is. It is a very small community where everybody knows everybody else. As soon as I say my name, everyone in the room thinks to themselves "I wonder if she's related to..." It is sometimes a difficult position to be in given I'm still very new to this type of work and still have a lot to learn. My mother, on the other hand, has been doing it for, well, I won't say exactly how long for her sake, but a while. She is well-known, well liked and very respected in the field. I wish that I could be a bit more anonymous while I stumble along learning my way.
Anyway, as we continued our discussion and I said things like "I'm not sure whether this is what I want to do with my life" and "The one thing I was sure I DIDN'T want to do was get stuck doing what my mother does." Not to say it isn't respectable and important work, it's just not everything is for everyone. As we proceeded and I was thinking more about it, I was struck by a thought I had yet to have previously. What if the reason I'm so resistant to my line of work is because I'm afraid I'll never be as good at it as she is. It's impossible to continue doing this in this community without being known as my mother's daughter.
I should also add a bit of family history here before I share what I told her. My mother is not my biological mother. She is my biological father's sister. She has, however, raised me since I was only a few months old and is the only mother I've ever had or ever want to have. I have always been and will continue to be incredibly grateful to her. During our conversation last night John and I were looking back at the paths our parents have taken to get where they are. I realized that at my age, my mother had recently graduated law school, was working full time and was raising her brother's infant daughter all on her own. It was at that moment that I realized I had to tell my mother exactly what I thought of her. I texted this to her: "I just wanted you to know I don't know how you do it and you are absolutely fabulous and I can only hope to be more like you one day."
The length on this post has gotten a bit out of hand. I am hopeful that tomorrow I can begin the week with a renewed sense of urgency towards my challenges and that I can get back on the wagon. I've been lazy mostly and need to get my act back together. Until then.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Day Nine: No Longer A Mid-Day Edition
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I did manage to complete 2 out of 3 challenges on Day Eight. No word of the day but that one's on hiatus for now. After I finished my post I sent a text message to my lunch companion for the day. I told him "What I Like About You: You don't take yourself too seriously but know when earnestness is needed." Shortly thereafter, he replied, "Thanks, that's a nice compliment. Are you ok?"
I couldn't help but wonder whether this was a comment about me or about the world at large. Am I the kind of person who is so aloof or unappreciative that it's a shock when I offer an unexpected compliment? And not just shock-worthy but apparently so out of character that it prompts concern for my health? Or maybe it's just a gauge of what the world has become today. Everyone is so busy and wrapped up in their own lives (a stereotype to which I am no exception) that we can't be bothered to take the 20 seconds it took me to type my message and share what we enjoy about others with said others. I think this is the underlying reason for this challenge. I want to learn to appreciate the people in my life both for how they enrich my life and just for who they are. As I am learning, to recognize these things in others is not so difficult but making sure they know you're paying attention and you think they're great is more effort than I expected. I wonder if this will get easier as the time passes or if I'll find it even more difficult once I've exhausted the pool of people from which I can easily choose.
The Details: Setting-Lunch; Time-12:15pm. I met my friend. We talked about all sorts of things. Work (he does the same thing I do though arguably better given the years of experience), his college homecoming weekend, his kids and ultimately got around to the subject of John and I. We've been trying to figure out an ideal living arrangement considering we currently live and work in two different states. It's been a bit tricky and we have yet to identify the perfect solution. Anyway, I shared my concerns with him and the options we'd so far discussed. He offered some suggestions and expressed his empathy for what a difficult situation this is. I appreciated having a sounding board from someone who wasn't involved and didn't really have any interest in how it turned out aside from wanting the best for me.
Briefly, I have known this person for nearly half my life. I first met him when he came to work for my mom, his first job out of law school. We've always had an easy, playful relationship where we tease one another and generally enjoy each other's company. He is also famous for being a bit of a hellion, particularly at the office. He likes to play jokes on his colleagues and others around him. For example, when asked to write a character reference for my state bar application, the letter he sent to myself and my mother to review was less than glowing. I wish I still had it somewhere to accompany this post. It was, in fact, a depiction of a class-less, horrible girl who sometimes had trouble with the law both in the United States and Mexico. It was terrible. It was hilarious. It was a joke. You get the point.
As I told him in my note, one of the best things about my friend is his ability to not take anything seriously except for those things that must be taken seriously. I find that a lot of people have some trouble drawing the line in the right place. Some take everything WAY too seriously (which is typically the camp I'm in) while others don't take enough things seriously. He has managed to find a balance that is both charming and admirable and I told him so.
I couldn't help but wonder whether this was a comment about me or about the world at large. Am I the kind of person who is so aloof or unappreciative that it's a shock when I offer an unexpected compliment? And not just shock-worthy but apparently so out of character that it prompts concern for my health? Or maybe it's just a gauge of what the world has become today. Everyone is so busy and wrapped up in their own lives (a stereotype to which I am no exception) that we can't be bothered to take the 20 seconds it took me to type my message and share what we enjoy about others with said others. I think this is the underlying reason for this challenge. I want to learn to appreciate the people in my life both for how they enrich my life and just for who they are. As I am learning, to recognize these things in others is not so difficult but making sure they know you're paying attention and you think they're great is more effort than I expected. I wonder if this will get easier as the time passes or if I'll find it even more difficult once I've exhausted the pool of people from which I can easily choose.
The Details: Setting-Lunch; Time-12:15pm. I met my friend. We talked about all sorts of things. Work (he does the same thing I do though arguably better given the years of experience), his college homecoming weekend, his kids and ultimately got around to the subject of John and I. We've been trying to figure out an ideal living arrangement considering we currently live and work in two different states. It's been a bit tricky and we have yet to identify the perfect solution. Anyway, I shared my concerns with him and the options we'd so far discussed. He offered some suggestions and expressed his empathy for what a difficult situation this is. I appreciated having a sounding board from someone who wasn't involved and didn't really have any interest in how it turned out aside from wanting the best for me.
Briefly, I have known this person for nearly half my life. I first met him when he came to work for my mom, his first job out of law school. We've always had an easy, playful relationship where we tease one another and generally enjoy each other's company. He is also famous for being a bit of a hellion, particularly at the office. He likes to play jokes on his colleagues and others around him. For example, when asked to write a character reference for my state bar application, the letter he sent to myself and my mother to review was less than glowing. I wish I still had it somewhere to accompany this post. It was, in fact, a depiction of a class-less, horrible girl who sometimes had trouble with the law both in the United States and Mexico. It was terrible. It was hilarious. It was a joke. You get the point.
As I told him in my note, one of the best things about my friend is his ability to not take anything seriously except for those things that must be taken seriously. I find that a lot of people have some trouble drawing the line in the right place. Some take everything WAY too seriously (which is typically the camp I'm in) while others don't take enough things seriously. He has managed to find a balance that is both charming and admirable and I told him so.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Shamefully Neglectful (A Long One)
I actually had to count on the calendar to figure out what day this was in my challenges. I was surprised to find it was Day Eight already. I have been terribly remiss in both completing my challenges and writing about them. With one exception, the only challenge I have stuck to over the last few days is getting up early. For the last few days, the East Coast has been battling Hurricane Sandy. This had a small impact on my ability to be challenged but I'm not looking for a scapegoat. I am responsible for making these things happen and I failed. Worse, I'm not sure I can say I have a renewed energy towards this undertaking.
Covering some lost ground. Day Five-Sunday, October 28, 2012. My plans included being lazy around the house and waiting for the Hurricane to hit. There was never any intention to leave the house, thus making leaving a word somewhere a little tricky. Trying to determine whether I was going to brave the weather, I decided I would go to the office Sunday night and bring home some work so I could stay home Monday with a clean conscience. Naturally, as I was driving to the office, I got an email saying the office would be closed on Monday.
Nevertheless, already out, John and I continued our journey and decided to turn the venture into a chance to visit one of our favorite restaurants. (*I realized I never identified John as my boyfriend but simply slipped his name in a few posts ago. Consider yourselves brought up to speed). I arrived at the office around 7:30pm Sunday and rounded up a few files to bring home with me. I noticed that on my desk was an ornament of what I'm almost 100% sure is the Sears Tower but had "Chicago" written across the bottom so I figured this was a good guess.
One of my bosses had just spent the last week on vacation. He had driven to Chicago and St. Louis. I thought "Aw, how nice" and went about my business. While gathering my work, I had cause to visit the desks of a few of the staff. I noticed that they also had little trinkets on their desks, awaiting their return. Having decided I'd boxed up enough, John and I left the office and continued on to dinner.
A word on my boss. Well, a paragraph. Though I'll try to keep it brief as he firmly believes a paragraph should never be longer than 10 lines. This particular partner at the firm (there are 4 total) has been a mentor to me. I started the work not really knowing what I was doing and he has spent innumerable hours explaining and re-explaining things. He's an invaluable resource and one that I am very grateful to have access to. We also have lunch together regularly and he is wonderful company. He is also single and has never married. Family is very important to him and it is a genuine shame that he's never been able to have one of his own. As a result, he is very considerate of those in the office and is frequently providing delicious treats in addition to his time and expertise to those of us fortunate enough to work with him. Obviously, for the sake of brevity his actions seem trivialized but I don't mean to characterize him as nothing more than a genial Muffin Man. Anyway, having just received my token of his thoughtfulness, I decided I would send him a note. It read "What I Like About You: Is that you are always thinking of others." Having been out of the office the last week, he hadn't heard any discussion of these challenges and was thus blindsided and had a genuine reaction to an out-of-the-blue compliment. He responded with "Thanks! I don't know what I did. Thank you." (Ok, 14 lines, but he's always telling me I'm too wordy).
We arrived at the restaurant where I enlisted John's help in deciding on a word. I wanted a word that captured just how great this place is and how much I always enjoy eating here. It's a burger place. They have lots of unusual meats. I never eat them, I always get a grilled portabella, but it's always out of this world. We searched synonyms for feast and purveyor of food to start. After considering a few options, I was torn between two choices: potlatch and jollification. I liked the sound of potlatch better but decided it wouldn't work. (pot-latch noun (among AMerican Indians of the northern Pacific coast, especially the Kwakiutl) a ceremonial festival at which gifts are bestowed on the guests and property is destroyed by its owner in a show of wealth that the guests later attempt to surpass. It just didn't fit.)
Covering some lost ground. Day Five-Sunday, October 28, 2012. My plans included being lazy around the house and waiting for the Hurricane to hit. There was never any intention to leave the house, thus making leaving a word somewhere a little tricky. Trying to determine whether I was going to brave the weather, I decided I would go to the office Sunday night and bring home some work so I could stay home Monday with a clean conscience. Naturally, as I was driving to the office, I got an email saying the office would be closed on Monday.
Nevertheless, already out, John and I continued our journey and decided to turn the venture into a chance to visit one of our favorite restaurants. (*I realized I never identified John as my boyfriend but simply slipped his name in a few posts ago. Consider yourselves brought up to speed). I arrived at the office around 7:30pm Sunday and rounded up a few files to bring home with me. I noticed that on my desk was an ornament of what I'm almost 100% sure is the Sears Tower but had "Chicago" written across the bottom so I figured this was a good guess.
One of my bosses had just spent the last week on vacation. He had driven to Chicago and St. Louis. I thought "Aw, how nice" and went about my business. While gathering my work, I had cause to visit the desks of a few of the staff. I noticed that they also had little trinkets on their desks, awaiting their return. Having decided I'd boxed up enough, John and I left the office and continued on to dinner.
A word on my boss. Well, a paragraph. Though I'll try to keep it brief as he firmly believes a paragraph should never be longer than 10 lines. This particular partner at the firm (there are 4 total) has been a mentor to me. I started the work not really knowing what I was doing and he has spent innumerable hours explaining and re-explaining things. He's an invaluable resource and one that I am very grateful to have access to. We also have lunch together regularly and he is wonderful company. He is also single and has never married. Family is very important to him and it is a genuine shame that he's never been able to have one of his own. As a result, he is very considerate of those in the office and is frequently providing delicious treats in addition to his time and expertise to those of us fortunate enough to work with him. Obviously, for the sake of brevity his actions seem trivialized but I don't mean to characterize him as nothing more than a genial Muffin Man. Anyway, having just received my token of his thoughtfulness, I decided I would send him a note. It read "What I Like About You: Is that you are always thinking of others." Having been out of the office the last week, he hadn't heard any discussion of these challenges and was thus blindsided and had a genuine reaction to an out-of-the-blue compliment. He responded with "Thanks! I don't know what I did. Thank you." (Ok, 14 lines, but he's always telling me I'm too wordy).
We arrived at the restaurant where I enlisted John's help in deciding on a word. I wanted a word that captured just how great this place is and how much I always enjoy eating here. It's a burger place. They have lots of unusual meats. I never eat them, I always get a grilled portabella, but it's always out of this world. We searched synonyms for feast and purveyor of food to start. After considering a few options, I was torn between two choices: potlatch and jollification. I liked the sound of potlatch better but decided it wouldn't work. (pot-latch noun (among AMerican Indians of the northern Pacific coast, especially the Kwakiutl) a ceremonial festival at which gifts are bestowed on the guests and property is destroyed by its owner in a show of wealth that the guests later attempt to surpass. It just didn't fit.)
By default,
jollification was the winner. Then the hard part: where to put it.
Searching discreetly for a place to leave my mark, and finding
nothing, I returned to my comfort zone and excused myself to the
restroom. I decided that I liked the idea that my words needed to be
discovered. At least that's
how I'm justifying my continued besmirching of bathrooms for now.
Anyway, I'm thinking this challenge
needs some re-envisioning. While what I'm hoping for is a challenge,
this is becoming a chore with no real pay off. I don't get any
thrill from continuing to write on different bathroom surfaces.
There's not any identifiable purpose that I can find and the initial
novelty of doing something I shouldn't be has worn off. I don't know
whether I should abandon this challenge altogether or somehow find a
way to give it some meaning. Maybe I should watch Love Happens again
and see what her reason was. Eh, I don't think I can assume a movie
character's meaning behind doing something as my own. This one might
be finished.
Today I didn't even bother trying to
complete my tasks. Though I was up at 5am so I did stick to being an
Early Riser. And this way getting up at 6am tomorrow will seem like
sleeping in! And I did have lunch with a friend today. Perhaps it's
not too late to make today a semi-successful 2 out of 3. In fact,
I've just decided on my “What I Like About You.” Wouldn't you
like to know?
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Day Four/Weekend Edition: Finally a Dictionary and Epic Failure!
Despite not getting home until nearly midnight last night, I refused to falter on getting up early only 4 days in. I set my alarm for 7:30 and quickly fell asleep. Fortunately, Cat gave me until 5:30 before he started doing laps around the apartment. When I finally did get up, I had to hurriedly make my grocery list and get to the grocery store before all the lunatics ransacked it in preparation for Hurricane Sandy. I figured if I could make it to the store before 9am I wouldn't be surrounded by the panicked masses.
Speaking of panicked masses, I searched for a word that meant just that to take with me. I couldn't find one I really liked. I searched for both "panic" and "hysteria" but didn't come up with any decent synonyms. I had planned to write it in the water aisle, which I assumed (and subsequently confirmed) would be cleaned out. I left the Giant more prepared for the hurricane but no closer to completing my challenges for the day.
I spent the day doing things around the house like vacuuming and straightening and went to the gym while I killed time waiting to pick John up from his golf vacation. I didn't have any interactions with other people except for a few texts to my mother for a possible lunch date. Another challenge in jeopardy! John having finally arrived, we decided to go out to the bookstore so I could finally get my dictionary. This is what I had to choose from:
On our way to the store, I started searching for a word that was a synonym for dictionary or definition or something along those lines. Again, less than impressed with my options, I finally settled on "Elucidate." Now, where to put it. I stood in front of these two bookcases, conveniently in the back of the store in a corner but was struck once more with pangs of guilt. I knew I could get away with doing it without getting caught but none of the other shelves had any graffiti on them. And yes, I mean to say that I would have been more than ok with continuing to desecrate this structure had someone else already started it for me.
But I couldn't do it. I even thought about writing it on the tape labeling the shelf so it could just be replaced, but there wasn't enough room. In the end, I left the store with my new materials and without completing my challenge. I'm really disappointed that on only day four I have completed one of three challenges. I clearly need to come up with a way to do this word challenge that won't allow me to be restrained by such a sense of maturity and reasonableness. It's a challenge, it's not supposed to be easy. I just can't get past the fact that I'm inflicting something on an unsuspecting, undeserving stranger who shouldn't have to worry about removing my mark or having a piece of their property damaged because I'm bored. Worse, with the Hurricane barreling down on us, I'm not sure I'll even leave the house tomorrow which means two days in a row with a failed challenge.
Sure, I thought about firing off a quick text to someone in my family telling them something I like about them, but that felt like a cop out just to get it done. I even thought about writing one to John based on his stated intention to plan a romantic evening soon just because he felt he hadn't in a while. But I want to save him for last. Again I'm looking for a reason someone has earned a note. I think tomorrow I'll just pick someone and send them a note and see how that feels. I'm skeptical but maybe if I remove the context of having to interact with them before I write to them, I'll be able to legitimately identify something I like about someone and make a point of sharing that with them.
*Note: All of a sudden feeling very self-righteous like I am some almighty decider of what's good and bad about people and how nice of me to deign to share my not-so-humble opinion with them and expecting them to be grateful. Hmmm, maybe I'm just thinking too much about it.
Speaking of panicked masses, I searched for a word that meant just that to take with me. I couldn't find one I really liked. I searched for both "panic" and "hysteria" but didn't come up with any decent synonyms. I had planned to write it in the water aisle, which I assumed (and subsequently confirmed) would be cleaned out. I left the Giant more prepared for the hurricane but no closer to completing my challenges for the day.
I spent the day doing things around the house like vacuuming and straightening and went to the gym while I killed time waiting to pick John up from his golf vacation. I didn't have any interactions with other people except for a few texts to my mother for a possible lunch date. Another challenge in jeopardy! John having finally arrived, we decided to go out to the bookstore so I could finally get my dictionary. This is what I had to choose from:
The store we were in is a used bookstore which has a Buy 3, Get 1 Free deal running all the time. I decided that I would buy both a dictionary and a thesaurus. I also found a book titled "Words You Think You Know" about commonly misused words and phrases. I figured it couldn't hurt, especially for only $3.99. I made another discovery while choosing which dictionary/thesaurus combo to take home with me:
What you see here are two index cards with the lyrics to "Ice, Ice Baby" written on them. I can't even begin to fathom who would have written these down, why, and perhaps most importantly, leave them behind after such an effort! I put them back on the shelf where I found them...just in case.
On our way to the store, I started searching for a word that was a synonym for dictionary or definition or something along those lines. Again, less than impressed with my options, I finally settled on "Elucidate." Now, where to put it. I stood in front of these two bookcases, conveniently in the back of the store in a corner but was struck once more with pangs of guilt. I knew I could get away with doing it without getting caught but none of the other shelves had any graffiti on them. And yes, I mean to say that I would have been more than ok with continuing to desecrate this structure had someone else already started it for me.
But I couldn't do it. I even thought about writing it on the tape labeling the shelf so it could just be replaced, but there wasn't enough room. In the end, I left the store with my new materials and without completing my challenge. I'm really disappointed that on only day four I have completed one of three challenges. I clearly need to come up with a way to do this word challenge that won't allow me to be restrained by such a sense of maturity and reasonableness. It's a challenge, it's not supposed to be easy. I just can't get past the fact that I'm inflicting something on an unsuspecting, undeserving stranger who shouldn't have to worry about removing my mark or having a piece of their property damaged because I'm bored. Worse, with the Hurricane barreling down on us, I'm not sure I'll even leave the house tomorrow which means two days in a row with a failed challenge.
Sure, I thought about firing off a quick text to someone in my family telling them something I like about them, but that felt like a cop out just to get it done. I even thought about writing one to John based on his stated intention to plan a romantic evening soon just because he felt he hadn't in a while. But I want to save him for last. Again I'm looking for a reason someone has earned a note. I think tomorrow I'll just pick someone and send them a note and see how that feels. I'm skeptical but maybe if I remove the context of having to interact with them before I write to them, I'll be able to legitimately identify something I like about someone and make a point of sharing that with them.
*Note: All of a sudden feeling very self-righteous like I am some almighty decider of what's good and bad about people and how nice of me to deign to share my not-so-humble opinion with them and expecting them to be grateful. Hmmm, maybe I'm just thinking too much about it.
A Two-Fer: What I Like About You and Histrionics (Day Three)
This evening (or rather last evening since I am a day behind in writing) I had plans to attend a play with a good friend of mine. His name is Nick and yes he has been given the opportunity to object to his name being revealed. He didn't. Nick is 6 foot 5 with strawberry blonde hair, impeccable fashion sense, and gay as a pink plaid picnic basket. Nick is, and not for lack of a better word, a see-you-next-tuesday. Perfectly fabulous with just the right amount of bitch. Do not be offended for him; this is a badge he wears with pride. We were going to see a production of Arsenic and Old Lace being performed by the StillPointe Theatre Initiative (Get more information on them here!) This is a small, local group that puts on fantastic performances in typically unusual and cozy venues; tonight's was an art gallery currently featuring an exhibition of gay erotica.
Their new space is relatively close to my office and so I had planned to have a drink or two and a bite to eat before heading over. If I'd gone home, I would never have come back (and yes, that's how I justify drinking alone in this particular situation so don't judge me). Nick was going to come down early and let me know when he arrived at the gallery. While I was sipping my Makers Mark Manhattan, Nick called and said he'd finished up whatever he was doing early and would come meet me for a drink so we could go over to the show together.
As you may or may not have guessed at this point, Nick is the recipient of Day Three's "What I Like About You" Note and my word of the day was bestowed upon the gallery. Here's the thing about Nick, and please keep in mind he is a very good friend whom I love dearly. Nick is often "very busy" and difficult to pin down. It is not unusual to try to reach him and be unsuccessful for weeks at a time. Despite the fact that all of us have our cell phones basically grafted to our bodies these days, I do sometimes wonder whether Nick's has fallen off the face of the earth. It can be very frustrating.
Now, the great thing about Nick is that once you have pinned him down and gotten him to commit to something, follow through is imminent. Absent some sort of genuine extenuating circumstance, if Nick says he'll be there, he'll be there. I decided to take this opportunity to let him know that I appreciated his willingness to make an effort to be where he said he would. His note read: "What I Like About You: Even though it is sometimes difficult to get you to commit, once done, you follow-through."
I hadn't realized until now that this is the second of only three notes total that are of a "I still like you even though you're a pain in the ass for one reason or another" nature. These all of a sudden seem like back-handed compliments. I've been sitting here trying to justify it but I'm getting distracted. Part of me thinks it's not very effective for the purpose of the challenge. Another part of me thinks that who cares about the nature of the note because I don't have to do it at all. This second thought feels petulant and snobbish. I suppose now that I've noticed this I'll just have to be more aware of the words I choose and make an effort to not make future compliments conditional.
Now that you have all the background information about where I was and what I was doing, I'll tell you about the word of the day. It'll be brief, I promise! As I said, I was in this local gallery waiting for a show to start. I had decided earlier in the day this would be my venue but just needed a word. I tried to find a word that meant artsy people who like to put on plays. For future reference, there is no such word. I ultimately settled on Histrionics: of or pertaining to actors or acting, performance of a play, dramatic representation. True to form, I went into the bathroom, which was home to a large metal exhaust system, which became my canvas.
Interestingly, after deciding on this word, I noticed that histrionic is also a form of personality disorder wherein the sufferer acts in an emotional and dramatic way that is meant to draw attention. I was satisfied I had chosen the right word for the occasion.
Their new space is relatively close to my office and so I had planned to have a drink or two and a bite to eat before heading over. If I'd gone home, I would never have come back (and yes, that's how I justify drinking alone in this particular situation so don't judge me). Nick was going to come down early and let me know when he arrived at the gallery. While I was sipping my Makers Mark Manhattan, Nick called and said he'd finished up whatever he was doing early and would come meet me for a drink so we could go over to the show together.
As you may or may not have guessed at this point, Nick is the recipient of Day Three's "What I Like About You" Note and my word of the day was bestowed upon the gallery. Here's the thing about Nick, and please keep in mind he is a very good friend whom I love dearly. Nick is often "very busy" and difficult to pin down. It is not unusual to try to reach him and be unsuccessful for weeks at a time. Despite the fact that all of us have our cell phones basically grafted to our bodies these days, I do sometimes wonder whether Nick's has fallen off the face of the earth. It can be very frustrating.
Now, the great thing about Nick is that once you have pinned him down and gotten him to commit to something, follow through is imminent. Absent some sort of genuine extenuating circumstance, if Nick says he'll be there, he'll be there. I decided to take this opportunity to let him know that I appreciated his willingness to make an effort to be where he said he would. His note read: "What I Like About You: Even though it is sometimes difficult to get you to commit, once done, you follow-through."
I hadn't realized until now that this is the second of only three notes total that are of a "I still like you even though you're a pain in the ass for one reason or another" nature. These all of a sudden seem like back-handed compliments. I've been sitting here trying to justify it but I'm getting distracted. Part of me thinks it's not very effective for the purpose of the challenge. Another part of me thinks that who cares about the nature of the note because I don't have to do it at all. This second thought feels petulant and snobbish. I suppose now that I've noticed this I'll just have to be more aware of the words I choose and make an effort to not make future compliments conditional.
Now that you have all the background information about where I was and what I was doing, I'll tell you about the word of the day. It'll be brief, I promise! As I said, I was in this local gallery waiting for a show to start. I had decided earlier in the day this would be my venue but just needed a word. I tried to find a word that meant artsy people who like to put on plays. For future reference, there is no such word. I ultimately settled on Histrionics: of or pertaining to actors or acting, performance of a play, dramatic representation. True to form, I went into the bathroom, which was home to a large metal exhaust system, which became my canvas.
Interestingly, after deciding on this word, I noticed that histrionic is also a form of personality disorder wherein the sufferer acts in an emotional and dramatic way that is meant to draw attention. I was satisfied I had chosen the right word for the occasion.
Day Three: Early Riser
Today I switched things up a little bit and set the alarm for 6am instead of 6:30. I have been cat-sitting for my boyfriend for the last two weeks and the cat likes to play a game. It's called "Let me creep around the bedroom as long as I can until she sees me-Freeze-Dash out of the room as fast as I can." Cute game, really. Except he usually likes to start playing it between 5:30-6am. The worst is when I catch him on the back of the headboard. I have the ikea bed, you know, THE one bed ikea makes, and it's a perfect plank for cat-walking.
This particular morning, Cat decided playtime started at 3am. (Incidentally, the cat does have a name which is Speakerboxxx but he is only referred to as Cat. We have decided, given his propensity for endless noise making that his name should be changed to GhettoBlaster. It is likely a pointless exercise as he will forever be called, simply, Cat) Now, while you're thinking, "What a dumbass, just close the door and lock him out of the room," please note that I do so and then he scratches at the base of the door and mews. Needless to say, when 6am came and the misery that is an alarm clock's buzz with it, I was not happy.
Cursing myself for choosing to set the alarm earlier, I rolled out of bed and into the shower. In a grand effort of mind-over-matter, I hummed "Good Morning" to myself to try and get a little sunnier in my disposition. In case you're in need of a pick me up, see below as it was actually quite effective.
Feeling a bit brighter after my shower, I made coffee and sat down for my morning routine when two words popped into my head: FOOD PORN. I've recently become a great fan and more recently became aware of the term. I love Chopped on the Food Network and decided what my morning needed was to watch 4 chefs battle it out with random and difficult ingredients, with extreme time pressure, for bragging rights. I also really enjoy Cupcake Wars but it's never a good idea to start craving sweets so early on. So much harder to resist when you have to be strong all day!
Not much came of this challenge today except for one thing. I was thinking in the shower about how I was going to keep this interesting for the next 30 days. I already feel like my posts are getting a little low on substance. So, without ruining too much of the surprise, you can look forward to Mini Challenges and Group (or more than just me) Challenges to come. Feel free to pass along any suggestions or let me know if you'd like to play along!
This particular morning, Cat decided playtime started at 3am. (Incidentally, the cat does have a name which is Speakerboxxx but he is only referred to as Cat. We have decided, given his propensity for endless noise making that his name should be changed to GhettoBlaster. It is likely a pointless exercise as he will forever be called, simply, Cat) Now, while you're thinking, "What a dumbass, just close the door and lock him out of the room," please note that I do so and then he scratches at the base of the door and mews. Needless to say, when 6am came and the misery that is an alarm clock's buzz with it, I was not happy.
Cursing myself for choosing to set the alarm earlier, I rolled out of bed and into the shower. In a grand effort of mind-over-matter, I hummed "Good Morning" to myself to try and get a little sunnier in my disposition. In case you're in need of a pick me up, see below as it was actually quite effective.
Feeling a bit brighter after my shower, I made coffee and sat down for my morning routine when two words popped into my head: FOOD PORN. I've recently become a great fan and more recently became aware of the term. I love Chopped on the Food Network and decided what my morning needed was to watch 4 chefs battle it out with random and difficult ingredients, with extreme time pressure, for bragging rights. I also really enjoy Cupcake Wars but it's never a good idea to start craving sweets so early on. So much harder to resist when you have to be strong all day!
Not much came of this challenge today except for one thing. I was thinking in the shower about how I was going to keep this interesting for the next 30 days. I already feel like my posts are getting a little low on substance. So, without ruining too much of the surprise, you can look forward to Mini Challenges and Group (or more than just me) Challenges to come. Feel free to pass along any suggestions or let me know if you'd like to play along!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Day Two: Waking up Early
I mentioned yesterday how excited I was about getting up early this morning. Apparently I was so excited about it that I woke myself up in the middle of an intense cat stretch a few times during the night. As a result, I wasn't quite as perky first thing this morning as I was yesterday. First things came first: feed the starving-based-on-his-screeches cat and coffee! I still managed to get through the day feeling awake and energized though instead of my usual drowsy.
I wasn't quite sure how I was going to spend my time this morning. I didn't have social plans tonight so I wasn't as concerned about being perfectly coiffed. In fact, all I had planned after work was a visit to the gym. I sat down in front of my computer with my coffee and started to browse. I turned on Palladia on the tv and took my time. Ultimately, of course, I took a shower, got dressed and left for work.
Now, I'm aware this isn't the stuff of a thrilling page-turner. What it is though is a refreshing change of pace, and one I'm both enjoying and recommend. With working all day and often having something to do every night afterwards, I don't frequently feel as though I have time to breathe. This time in the morning to do nothing special, before the phone starts ringing and emails coming in, gives me a chance to shake off the sleep so that when I leave to take on the world, I feel prepared and eager instead of dreading it.
Actually, I found myself a little disappointed when I had to stop perusing and start getting ready. I wasn't involved in anything in particular but didn't feel like I'd had enough time to just be. I'm getting greedy already! I'm thinking of switching up my rising time to 6am tomorrow to see how that goes. And if it's awful, the next day is a 7:30am day so, no big deal.
This challenge was generally uneventful today. I think I'll have to buy some breakfast ingredients this weekend and try cooking a real breakfast some mornings instead of grabbing an $8.00 protein shake to last me until lunch. Almost makes me want to subscribe to a physical newspaper just to have something to flip through while I eat. Another romantic notion, must be nearly time for bed.
I wasn't quite sure how I was going to spend my time this morning. I didn't have social plans tonight so I wasn't as concerned about being perfectly coiffed. In fact, all I had planned after work was a visit to the gym. I sat down in front of my computer with my coffee and started to browse. I turned on Palladia on the tv and took my time. Ultimately, of course, I took a shower, got dressed and left for work.
Now, I'm aware this isn't the stuff of a thrilling page-turner. What it is though is a refreshing change of pace, and one I'm both enjoying and recommend. With working all day and often having something to do every night afterwards, I don't frequently feel as though I have time to breathe. This time in the morning to do nothing special, before the phone starts ringing and emails coming in, gives me a chance to shake off the sleep so that when I leave to take on the world, I feel prepared and eager instead of dreading it.
Actually, I found myself a little disappointed when I had to stop perusing and start getting ready. I wasn't involved in anything in particular but didn't feel like I'd had enough time to just be. I'm getting greedy already! I'm thinking of switching up my rising time to 6am tomorrow to see how that goes. And if it's awful, the next day is a 7:30am day so, no big deal.
This challenge was generally uneventful today. I think I'll have to buy some breakfast ingredients this weekend and try cooking a real breakfast some mornings instead of grabbing an $8.00 protein shake to last me until lunch. Almost makes me want to subscribe to a physical newspaper just to have something to flip through while I eat. Another romantic notion, must be nearly time for bed.
Day Two: What I Like About You
This one stressed me out for a few minutes today. I was getting ready to leave the office for the day and hadn't completed this challenge and knew I probably wouldn't interact with anyone I know for the rest of the night (Minus the cat but I don't know he'd appreciate a note). All of a sudden I had an epiphany: my paralegal! And now you see why I had to confess to being a lawyer.
Her birthday was a few weeks ago and because of scheduling, myself and the other attorneys for whom she works had been unable to get together to take her to lunch. Today was the day. I had told her weeks ago when we first tried to schedule this that it was her choice of place. I didn't get back from court until nearly 1pm and as we walked in the door at her chosen restaurant, a 20-minute wait for a table happened. We had to decide on somewhere else to go.
As we sat there I realized that the conversation was being dominated by the other attorney (a bit of a chatterbox) and myself about work stuff. Our guest of honor chimed in occasionally but mostly ate her lunch quietly. I should note she is generally a quiet person. As we were paying the bill, she thanked us for lunch. As we were walking back to the office, she thanked us for lunch. She stuck her head in my office later and not only thanked me AGAIN for lunch but also apologized for not contributing more to the conversation. It took me another hour to realize that she should be the recipient of today's note.
I am a strong believer in the idea that common courtesy is sorely lacking in this world. Most people are too wrapped up in themselves and their much more important problems to be bothered with anyone else. Some people run into you on the street and glare at you like it's your fault. I turn to writing notes and vandalism. Anyway, such gratitude and the expression of it doesn't happen often and thus, I felt, deserved recognition.
Her note read "What I Like About You: That you make an effort to express your gratitude to others." She had to read it twice because at first thought I was giving her a task to complete. When she finished she responded with a smile and something along the lines of "Aww, thank you, that's so nice."
As it happened, the girl who got yesterday's note was standing there and as I was being looked at quizzically by both, I briefly explained what I was doing. This time it didn't feel forced or awkward but a natural progression of Give note --> Explain why --> Everyone go back to life as it was. This time I got a little more of a thrill having shared her pleased reaction with her.
What I realized as I reflected on my drive home was that I had been going over in my head the interactions I had had with people all day. I was looking for something someone had done for me that I thought deserved a thank you. I'm obviously still struggling with the focus of this challenge. This shouldn't be about someone doing something for me. I don't want it to be about me at all. I wonder though if I can remove myself entirely from the equation when I am the one making the decision as to who gets a note each day. I guess I'll try again tomorrow.
Her birthday was a few weeks ago and because of scheduling, myself and the other attorneys for whom she works had been unable to get together to take her to lunch. Today was the day. I had told her weeks ago when we first tried to schedule this that it was her choice of place. I didn't get back from court until nearly 1pm and as we walked in the door at her chosen restaurant, a 20-minute wait for a table happened. We had to decide on somewhere else to go.
As we sat there I realized that the conversation was being dominated by the other attorney (a bit of a chatterbox) and myself about work stuff. Our guest of honor chimed in occasionally but mostly ate her lunch quietly. I should note she is generally a quiet person. As we were paying the bill, she thanked us for lunch. As we were walking back to the office, she thanked us for lunch. She stuck her head in my office later and not only thanked me AGAIN for lunch but also apologized for not contributing more to the conversation. It took me another hour to realize that she should be the recipient of today's note.
I am a strong believer in the idea that common courtesy is sorely lacking in this world. Most people are too wrapped up in themselves and their much more important problems to be bothered with anyone else. Some people run into you on the street and glare at you like it's your fault. I turn to writing notes and vandalism. Anyway, such gratitude and the expression of it doesn't happen often and thus, I felt, deserved recognition.
Her note read "What I Like About You: That you make an effort to express your gratitude to others." She had to read it twice because at first thought I was giving her a task to complete. When she finished she responded with a smile and something along the lines of "Aww, thank you, that's so nice."
As it happened, the girl who got yesterday's note was standing there and as I was being looked at quizzically by both, I briefly explained what I was doing. This time it didn't feel forced or awkward but a natural progression of Give note --> Explain why --> Everyone go back to life as it was. This time I got a little more of a thrill having shared her pleased reaction with her.
What I realized as I reflected on my drive home was that I had been going over in my head the interactions I had had with people all day. I was looking for something someone had done for me that I thought deserved a thank you. I'm obviously still struggling with the focus of this challenge. This shouldn't be about someone doing something for me. I don't want it to be about me at all. I wonder though if I can remove myself entirely from the equation when I am the one making the decision as to who gets a note each day. I guess I'll try again tomorrow.
Day Two: Iniquitous
Now that you know the deal, I'll get right to it. Today I had to go to court. A perfect place to leave today's word of the day. And no, I wasn't thumbing my nose at the man for getting me into trouble, I'm a lawyer. Anyone left reading after you realized a horrible, scummy lawyer was writing this?
Anyway, the particular jurisdiction I would be visiting today has a reputation for being less than entirely reputable. Shocking, I know. When I pulled into the parking lot an hour early (told you I'm a planner, which obviously also means prone to extra-punctuality) I whipped out my phone and thesaurus-ed "corrupt." Iniquitous was the result that I didn't recognize. I clicked on it and was taken to a definition of "unfair" "evil" and "wicked." I think I actually said "Perfect" out loud.
I recognize that the idea of labeling a court as corrupt is hardly groundbreaking. Today's word of the day challenge actually felt too easy but not just because of the obviousness of my selection. I had decided on the drive to court that it would be my place, but hadn't yet selected the word. And I realized how simple it was going to be to search for corrupt and basically close my eyes and point. It made me think of how much more difficult it is going to be once I have a dictionary and find a word I really like and then have to find an environment to conform.
Oh, just this second realized I didn't finish all the details. I don't want to only brand bathrooms but was afraid there were cameras in the courthouse that could catch me in the act. I decided this wasn't the place to branch out, given that whole Officer-of-the-Court thing I rely on to pay my bills. This time I wrote it on the wall underneath where the toilet paper comes out of the roll. Perfectly visible while you're sitting and...well, you know what you do in there. The picture is posted here (and yesterday's pic has been added to yesterday's post)
I wonder how the dynamic of this challenge is going to change when the focus isn't on just finding where to put the word; when the challenge becomes instead being aware of my surroundings to such an extent that I have to search for a circumstance befitting of my word. Still can't get over being excited about reading the dictionary either, by the way. Maybe it'll still just be as simple and silly as writing a word on a wall and getting a thrill from doing something I shouldn't, but I'm still hopeful it'll become something more. And again, now I have another word to fold into my vocabulary!
Anyway, the particular jurisdiction I would be visiting today has a reputation for being less than entirely reputable. Shocking, I know. When I pulled into the parking lot an hour early (told you I'm a planner, which obviously also means prone to extra-punctuality) I whipped out my phone and thesaurus-ed "corrupt." Iniquitous was the result that I didn't recognize. I clicked on it and was taken to a definition of "unfair" "evil" and "wicked." I think I actually said "Perfect" out loud.
I recognize that the idea of labeling a court as corrupt is hardly groundbreaking. Today's word of the day challenge actually felt too easy but not just because of the obviousness of my selection. I had decided on the drive to court that it would be my place, but hadn't yet selected the word. And I realized how simple it was going to be to search for corrupt and basically close my eyes and point. It made me think of how much more difficult it is going to be once I have a dictionary and find a word I really like and then have to find an environment to conform.
Oh, just this second realized I didn't finish all the details. I don't want to only brand bathrooms but was afraid there were cameras in the courthouse that could catch me in the act. I decided this wasn't the place to branch out, given that whole Officer-of-the-Court thing I rely on to pay my bills. This time I wrote it on the wall underneath where the toilet paper comes out of the roll. Perfectly visible while you're sitting and...well, you know what you do in there. The picture is posted here (and yesterday's pic has been added to yesterday's post)
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Day One: Waking Up Early
As I mentioned in my first post, I really like to sleep. I relish the fact that I live half an hour away from work and can sleep in, most days, until 8am. I've tried a few times in the past to get into the habit of working out before work and I can never stick to it. I might get 2 or 3 days but then it's all over.
I have chosen 6:30 as my rising time on weekdays and 7:30 on weekends. Hardly super early but it's a start. I may edit it to 5:30 after a week or so but we'll see. It's only for 30 days after all, how bad can it be. So, last night I set my alarm for 6:30 this morning.
I am the type of person who has always "needed" 8 hours of sleep and often have to force myself to stay up late enough that I won't sleep for 9-10 hours a night. Highexistence.com had an article about becoming an early riser that I read in preparation for this challenge. (Read it here) Not quite scientific but a theory to start with. The author suggested that you shouldn't focus on sleeping for a specific 8 hours (ie. if you want to get up at 6am, go to bed at 10pm, or bed at 9 to get up at 5) but instead go to bed when you're too tired to stay up any longer but don't compromise on the time you get up. Theoretically, this will allow your body to adjust naturally when you need more or less sleep.
Last night I started feeling sleepy and got into bed around 10:30. When my alarm went off at 6:30, I (again following HE.com's suggestion) turned off the alarm and lay back down enjoying how cozy I was. I stretched a bit and after about 10 minutes sat up and checked my email on my phone. I got up, fed the cat and proceeded to take a nice, long, hot shower. I made myself a cup of coffee in *gasp* a real mug, not the travel kind, and blow-dried my hair. Frivolous and insignificant perhaps but anyone who gives themselves just enough time in the morning (like I always did) can appreciate the sense of accomplishment you feel when you leave for work actually looking like you give a damn. I even turned on the tv to a music station and had a few background jams.
I left for work feeling awake, in a great mood and ready to take on my day. I never feel that way. I typically sleep poorly and the feeling of being rested and energized is foreign to me. What's more, now, 15.5 hours later, I'm only just starting to feel tired. I'm amazed at what a difference an hour and a half in the morning makes. I really enjoy quiet. Sometimes a Sunday afternoon alone in the house with no one to talk to is the best thing for de-stressing. There aren't a lot of people up and moving about at 6:30 in the morning and living in an apartment, you hear everything everyone does ALL THE TIME.
What's most surprising is how looking forward to tomorrow morning I am. I'm not quite sure yet how I'm going to use my time each morning. Tomorrow I might try using my time to do my usual morning internet routine (email, facebook, twitter, news, etc) so I can skip it and get right to work when I get to the office. Mostly I'm looking forward to having some time to reflect on what I want the day to be, how I can make it happen and leave for the day inspired and excited to take on whatever comes.
Ok, as my first and fourth posts have all occurred in the last few hours, my fingers need a break and it's time to start winding down for the night. I'm very excited about my challenges and am eager to see what results. All in all, Day One counts as a success!
I have chosen 6:30 as my rising time on weekdays and 7:30 on weekends. Hardly super early but it's a start. I may edit it to 5:30 after a week or so but we'll see. It's only for 30 days after all, how bad can it be. So, last night I set my alarm for 6:30 this morning.
I am the type of person who has always "needed" 8 hours of sleep and often have to force myself to stay up late enough that I won't sleep for 9-10 hours a night. Highexistence.com had an article about becoming an early riser that I read in preparation for this challenge. (Read it here) Not quite scientific but a theory to start with. The author suggested that you shouldn't focus on sleeping for a specific 8 hours (ie. if you want to get up at 6am, go to bed at 10pm, or bed at 9 to get up at 5) but instead go to bed when you're too tired to stay up any longer but don't compromise on the time you get up. Theoretically, this will allow your body to adjust naturally when you need more or less sleep.
Last night I started feeling sleepy and got into bed around 10:30. When my alarm went off at 6:30, I (again following HE.com's suggestion) turned off the alarm and lay back down enjoying how cozy I was. I stretched a bit and after about 10 minutes sat up and checked my email on my phone. I got up, fed the cat and proceeded to take a nice, long, hot shower. I made myself a cup of coffee in *gasp* a real mug, not the travel kind, and blow-dried my hair. Frivolous and insignificant perhaps but anyone who gives themselves just enough time in the morning (like I always did) can appreciate the sense of accomplishment you feel when you leave for work actually looking like you give a damn. I even turned on the tv to a music station and had a few background jams.
I left for work feeling awake, in a great mood and ready to take on my day. I never feel that way. I typically sleep poorly and the feeling of being rested and energized is foreign to me. What's more, now, 15.5 hours later, I'm only just starting to feel tired. I'm amazed at what a difference an hour and a half in the morning makes. I really enjoy quiet. Sometimes a Sunday afternoon alone in the house with no one to talk to is the best thing for de-stressing. There aren't a lot of people up and moving about at 6:30 in the morning and living in an apartment, you hear everything everyone does ALL THE TIME.
What's most surprising is how looking forward to tomorrow morning I am. I'm not quite sure yet how I'm going to use my time each morning. Tomorrow I might try using my time to do my usual morning internet routine (email, facebook, twitter, news, etc) so I can skip it and get right to work when I get to the office. Mostly I'm looking forward to having some time to reflect on what I want the day to be, how I can make it happen and leave for the day inspired and excited to take on whatever comes.
Ok, as my first and fourth posts have all occurred in the last few hours, my fingers need a break and it's time to start winding down for the night. I'm very excited about my challenges and am eager to see what results. All in all, Day One counts as a success!
Day One: What I Like About You
I thought this challenge might be tough as it requires a little more thinking on my feet and not a whole lot of planning ahead. I excel at planning ahead and am not very good at just going with the flow. There are the fallback options of telling my mom that I like that she supports me and my dad that I like that we can tease my mom. Those are being saved though for when I'm really in a pinch on any given day. And yes, Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, you can probably expect a note sometime in the next 30 days.
There is a girl in my office with whom I get along really well. She is only a few years older than me and we have similar personalities and sarcastic senses of humor. She's a bit of a tough girl who can be merciless in her teasing. Fortunately, I can usually give as good as I get so it's fun as opposed to a source of tension. She likes to give me a hard time because sometimes my wardrobe borders on hipster and I like listening to dubstep.
Today I recommended she listen to Alex Clare because I was curious how she would like dubstep that wasn't basically dance music. She has listened to Skrillex, again at my suggestion, and was not a fan. She looked at me skeptically but put her headphones back in and started looking for the songs I wrote down on YouTube.
I walked out of her office and out to the elevators to get some coffee when it hit me that she would be the first person I wrote a note to. I considered the wording and decided on: "What I Like About You-Even though you mock you still have enough general curiosity to try anyway." I wrote the note on a post-it, walked into her office, placed it on her desk and walked out without a word.
I find that having an interest in things that one has a pre-conceived notion about, particularly where the notion is negative, is admirable. A lot of people, myself included, decide they don't like something and go out of their way to never experience it again. I was impressed that even though she has no real liking for the music, she was willing to sacrifice what was admittedly a small amount of time to give it a listen, just in case.
An unexpected thing happened, or rather didn't happen. She never asked me what the note was about. I don't even know if she just read it and threw it away. I hadn't expected to want her to ask me what the deal was, but I did. I don't know what I wanted to feel by explaining, only that I was disappointed I didn't have the chance to. I could have gone in and told her I suppose but that felt uncomfortable. Kind of like making an anonymous donation to a charity and then telling everyone it was you.
What I learned today was that it may be difficult to stay focused on the purpose of this challenge. I'm doing this as a means of stepping outside of my own little bubble to create a more positive outlook on the world and the people around me. I want to be able to put myself aside and celebrate the good in others which exists with or without my acknowledgement. It's an active exercise in observing those around me and taking the time to appreciate the people in my life for what they are. I wonder what amazing qualities those I interact with all the time have that I have been too busy or self-absorbed to notice.
There is a girl in my office with whom I get along really well. She is only a few years older than me and we have similar personalities and sarcastic senses of humor. She's a bit of a tough girl who can be merciless in her teasing. Fortunately, I can usually give as good as I get so it's fun as opposed to a source of tension. She likes to give me a hard time because sometimes my wardrobe borders on hipster and I like listening to dubstep.
Today I recommended she listen to Alex Clare because I was curious how she would like dubstep that wasn't basically dance music. She has listened to Skrillex, again at my suggestion, and was not a fan. She looked at me skeptically but put her headphones back in and started looking for the songs I wrote down on YouTube.
I walked out of her office and out to the elevators to get some coffee when it hit me that she would be the first person I wrote a note to. I considered the wording and decided on: "What I Like About You-Even though you mock you still have enough general curiosity to try anyway." I wrote the note on a post-it, walked into her office, placed it on her desk and walked out without a word.
I find that having an interest in things that one has a pre-conceived notion about, particularly where the notion is negative, is admirable. A lot of people, myself included, decide they don't like something and go out of their way to never experience it again. I was impressed that even though she has no real liking for the music, she was willing to sacrifice what was admittedly a small amount of time to give it a listen, just in case.
An unexpected thing happened, or rather didn't happen. She never asked me what the note was about. I don't even know if she just read it and threw it away. I hadn't expected to want her to ask me what the deal was, but I did. I don't know what I wanted to feel by explaining, only that I was disappointed I didn't have the chance to. I could have gone in and told her I suppose but that felt uncomfortable. Kind of like making an anonymous donation to a charity and then telling everyone it was you.
What I learned today was that it may be difficult to stay focused on the purpose of this challenge. I'm doing this as a means of stepping outside of my own little bubble to create a more positive outlook on the world and the people around me. I want to be able to put myself aside and celebrate the good in others which exists with or without my acknowledgement. It's an active exercise in observing those around me and taking the time to appreciate the people in my life for what they are. I wonder what amazing qualities those I interact with all the time have that I have been too busy or self-absorbed to notice.
Day One: Dissimulation
As you may or may not have guessed, Dissimulation was my word of the day. Given how long this post turned out to be, perhaps I will be breaking them up by challenge and not by day.
I had plans to meet a good friend I hadn't seen in a while for dinner tonight. We were going to a restaurant that has a British Pub theme but the food is overwhelmingly generic American bar food. You know, beer battered pretzels, quesadillas, salads, pasta with sauce and chicken. Anyway, I decided I wanted a word that meant something trying to be what it isn't. I asked for some suggestions and got pretense, masquerade and guise.
Using thesaurus.com, I searched pretense. Dissimulation was one of the search results that I was unfamiliar with and searched that. Dissimulation is defined as "disguise;" "attempt to conceal embarrassing or scandalous information;" and "practice of misleading." Given my expected venue, I thought a bar trying to be an authentic Pub with an otherwise un-British atmosphere, I had found my word!
*Note: This is not my expected method for the rest of the 30 days. There is a used bookstore near my apartment I plan to visit this weekend to buy an old dictionary to peruse. I never thought the prospect of reading the dictionary would be exciting, but there it is.
Anyway, feeling a little nervous about my first-ever (basically) vandalism, I had to decide where I was going to write it. I walked into the bathroom and discovered it was one of the nicest public restrooms I had ever been in and I felt guilty about what I was about to do. Not wanting to back down on my first day, I decided to write my word on the inside lid of the feminine products disposal bin inside the stall. I snapped a photo and bolted. In the future, I think I'm going to have to write the words on tape and stick that somewhere so it can easily be removed. I know that makes me kind of a chicken-shit but I can't help but feel bad for whoever will have to remove my little "experiments."
Day One under my belt, tomorrow is another day and I just might have to get to the bookstore sooner than this weekend. It's a little crazy that something so simple could be so exciting but I look forward to discovering new words, new hiding places and the boldness that may (or may not!) come about as a result.
I had plans to meet a good friend I hadn't seen in a while for dinner tonight. We were going to a restaurant that has a British Pub theme but the food is overwhelmingly generic American bar food. You know, beer battered pretzels, quesadillas, salads, pasta with sauce and chicken. Anyway, I decided I wanted a word that meant something trying to be what it isn't. I asked for some suggestions and got pretense, masquerade and guise.
Using thesaurus.com, I searched pretense. Dissimulation was one of the search results that I was unfamiliar with and searched that. Dissimulation is defined as "disguise;" "attempt to conceal embarrassing or scandalous information;" and "practice of misleading." Given my expected venue, I thought a bar trying to be an authentic Pub with an otherwise un-British atmosphere, I had found my word!
*Note: This is not my expected method for the rest of the 30 days. There is a used bookstore near my apartment I plan to visit this weekend to buy an old dictionary to peruse. I never thought the prospect of reading the dictionary would be exciting, but there it is.
Anyway, feeling a little nervous about my first-ever (basically) vandalism, I had to decide where I was going to write it. I walked into the bathroom and discovered it was one of the nicest public restrooms I had ever been in and I felt guilty about what I was about to do. Not wanting to back down on my first day, I decided to write my word on the inside lid of the feminine products disposal bin inside the stall. I snapped a photo and bolted. In the future, I think I'm going to have to write the words on tape and stick that somewhere so it can easily be removed. I know that makes me kind of a chicken-shit but I can't help but feel bad for whoever will have to remove my little "experiments."
Day One under my belt, tomorrow is another day and I just might have to get to the bookstore sooner than this weekend. It's a little crazy that something so simple could be so exciting but I look forward to discovering new words, new hiding places and the boldness that may (or may not!) come about as a result.
Because What the World Needs is Another Blog
I feel like such a cliche. Sitting in front of my computer, in my underwear, drinking tea, having just decided that what I have to say is worthy of putting down for others to read. Really what I have to share is not all that uncommon compared to what a lot of people deal with. I, like most people my age (late 20s), struggle with deciding what I want to do with my life and what direction I want my life to go. If I have included you mistakenly fellow 20-somethings and you know exactly what you want out of life, I apologize and applaud you.
So, to begin my quest for purpose (yet again) I took the most natural approach: a Google search. I typed "finding your bliss" into the search box and the first result was "Finding Your Bliss: A Quick Strategy" on a website called highexistence.com. Lured by the promise of instant gratification, I clicked the link and discovered an article containing an experiment to help me start discovering what was going to make me happiest. As I didn't find the answer to my problem in big blinking lights on the page, I of course simply scanned the article and kept browsing the site.
Under "Top Posts" on page 3, I found an article titled 30 Challenges for 30 days. I won't recap it all, but if you want to read it, you can do so here. The point is to challenge yourself to cultivate a new, or break an old, habit by doing whatever it is repeatedly for 30 days. On my first read-through, I was not impressed by any of the suggestions. But, given this was an attempt to change my life in some way, minimal or great, I re-read and chose two of them. Well, 3 if you count #26 "Combine challenges."
My first choice was, fittingly, #1 "Write a What-I-Like-About-You Note/Text/Email Each Day for Someone." For 30 days I will make sure that I tell someone, a different person each day, what I like about them. Despite the fact that I think there is not enough handwriting in this world (ironic given my current medium, I know) I like the option to text or email because it means I don't have to limit my possible pool of recipients to those I would see on any given day. Though, I am curious as to whether I'd ever have the chance, or the guts, to give a stranger one such note after some interaction with them.
My second challenge is #23 "Wake up Early Each Day." For some this may not be a challenge at all. My boyfriend, for example, cannot sleep past 8am- just can't do it, it's sick. For me, however, this is a huge deal. I've always thought there is something romantic about the early morning hours but I also really enjoy my sleep. So, I have decided that for 30 days I will get up at 6:30am on weekdays and 7:30am on weekends. Now, I know this is hardly extreme and the extra hour on weekends is kinda cheating. I reserve the right now to revise these times as the 30 days progress but, really, baby steps to start!
My third challenge was not courtesy of highexistence.com. Instead, it came from the movie Love Happens. I have only seen it once and only learned the name of it when I Googled "the movie where Jennifer Aniston writes words on walls." As my search suggests, in the movie, Jennifer Aniston's character writes words on walls in public places. I can't remember why but it just seemed like a cool idea. Accordingly, my third challenge is to write a random word somewhere in public every day because, well, why not. At the very least I'll learn 30 new words.
Well, at this point, you should have enough information to decide whether you want to read any more. Today was Day One and it was a success. You can read all about that in, you guessed it, the post titled "Day One: Dissimulation."
So, to begin my quest for purpose (yet again) I took the most natural approach: a Google search. I typed "finding your bliss" into the search box and the first result was "Finding Your Bliss: A Quick Strategy" on a website called highexistence.com. Lured by the promise of instant gratification, I clicked the link and discovered an article containing an experiment to help me start discovering what was going to make me happiest. As I didn't find the answer to my problem in big blinking lights on the page, I of course simply scanned the article and kept browsing the site.
Under "Top Posts" on page 3, I found an article titled 30 Challenges for 30 days. I won't recap it all, but if you want to read it, you can do so here. The point is to challenge yourself to cultivate a new, or break an old, habit by doing whatever it is repeatedly for 30 days. On my first read-through, I was not impressed by any of the suggestions. But, given this was an attempt to change my life in some way, minimal or great, I re-read and chose two of them. Well, 3 if you count #26 "Combine challenges."
My first choice was, fittingly, #1 "Write a What-I-Like-About-You Note/Text/Email Each Day for Someone." For 30 days I will make sure that I tell someone, a different person each day, what I like about them. Despite the fact that I think there is not enough handwriting in this world (ironic given my current medium, I know) I like the option to text or email because it means I don't have to limit my possible pool of recipients to those I would see on any given day. Though, I am curious as to whether I'd ever have the chance, or the guts, to give a stranger one such note after some interaction with them.
My second challenge is #23 "Wake up Early Each Day." For some this may not be a challenge at all. My boyfriend, for example, cannot sleep past 8am- just can't do it, it's sick. For me, however, this is a huge deal. I've always thought there is something romantic about the early morning hours but I also really enjoy my sleep. So, I have decided that for 30 days I will get up at 6:30am on weekdays and 7:30am on weekends. Now, I know this is hardly extreme and the extra hour on weekends is kinda cheating. I reserve the right now to revise these times as the 30 days progress but, really, baby steps to start!
My third challenge was not courtesy of highexistence.com. Instead, it came from the movie Love Happens. I have only seen it once and only learned the name of it when I Googled "the movie where Jennifer Aniston writes words on walls." As my search suggests, in the movie, Jennifer Aniston's character writes words on walls in public places. I can't remember why but it just seemed like a cool idea. Accordingly, my third challenge is to write a random word somewhere in public every day because, well, why not. At the very least I'll learn 30 new words.
Well, at this point, you should have enough information to decide whether you want to read any more. Today was Day One and it was a success. You can read all about that in, you guessed it, the post titled "Day One: Dissimulation."
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