Ok, so of course hate is a much stronger word than I want. But, let's face it, "Love/Always Knows Just What to Say to Make You Feel 5 Years Old Again" just doesn't have the same ring to it. But, readers of the internet rejoice! I have single-handedly provided you something unique! May I present: A 20-something who struggles with follow-through! Even as I sit here to write this, I'm not sure what to say. Not only have I failed to complete any challenge in the last few days (with the exception of an occasional early rise) but I haven't even bothered to try.
Perhaps my lack of interest in pursuing this whole thing started sometime last week. My mother has a friend. This friend and I have never been what you call close. This friend had knee replacement surgery a few weeks ago. So one night my mother called me and told me that her friend was experiencing some melancholy as a result of a few things. She suggested that it might be nice if I sent her a get well card with a "What I Like About You" inside.
My reaction to this quest was peculiar. One side of me was offended that she could so cavalierly dole out my "What I Like About Yous" like halloween candy at someone else's house. "She just doesn't get it." The other side thinks "Isn't this kind of the point?" "And what's the harm?" It's just a little note. Well, I have yet to complete this request or any "What I Like About You" since. I suppose I'm making a big deal out of nothing and that perhaps sending this particular note will be the most compliant with the purpose of this challenge. Looking for something in this woman who I've never seen eye to eye with may be exactly what I should be doing.
During this phone call, she also told me that she had read through the rest of this blog. She commented on what I'd said about everyone knowing who I was in our line of work. She told me that just because she was doing it shouldn't be a reason for me not to do it. She then pointed to the others in our field who are in a similar position. I am not the only child of a legend in the field. Somehow this is supposed to make me feel better. As far as I know, everyone my age who is just starting out in any field struggles with their competence in something new. Why is it so unreasonable for me to want to be a little more invisible while I stumble along? She also reminded me that in this wonderful world full of technology and ever-expanding visibility that I should be careful what I write here because every future employer and/or client can read what I've written. I suppose there's only so much one can expect of their mother, huh? I guess I appreciate that regardless of the situation, she'll never stop thinking about what's best for me.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
"We Don't Do That in This Family" or Brother
The other day I had this exchange with my brother via text:
Me-"What I like about you: for better or worse you have the guts to be what you want to be"
Kid-"What?"
Me-"It's called a compliment"
Kid-"We don't do that in this family lol"
Me-"All the more reason why"
Kid-"Oh well...you seem nice :p"
"Mom said she'll read your blog tomorrow"
I'm almost at a loss for words as to how to discuss this. I'm sure it is not all that uncommon for families to be so busy and preoccupied with doing all the things that make family life great that they forget about the actual human beings involved. This is a bit of a "stop and smell the roses" moment. My family is so busy running around from here to there trying to do as much as we can, in the interest of enriching life, that we forget (or don't bother?) to appreciate those we're trying to make life better for. Maybe we've just become so separated from the family unit that we are only interested in making sure our individual life experiences are fulfilling and we stop looking any farther than ourselves. This is a simplification of course as the family interest is behind a lot of the things we do regardless of how close to the top of the priority list.
I suppose the purpose of this experiment is to see what change I can effect in my life. I've obviously identified a place where there is room for improvement. Making a change here though will require commitment of not just myself but the rest of the family. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that life has and will continue to be in the way and will undoubtedly make this difficult.
Me-"What I like about you: for better or worse you have the guts to be what you want to be"
Kid-"What?"
Me-"It's called a compliment"
Kid-"We don't do that in this family lol"
Me-"All the more reason why"
Kid-"Oh well...you seem nice :p"
"Mom said she'll read your blog tomorrow"
I'm almost at a loss for words as to how to discuss this. I'm sure it is not all that uncommon for families to be so busy and preoccupied with doing all the things that make family life great that they forget about the actual human beings involved. This is a bit of a "stop and smell the roses" moment. My family is so busy running around from here to there trying to do as much as we can, in the interest of enriching life, that we forget (or don't bother?) to appreciate those we're trying to make life better for. Maybe we've just become so separated from the family unit that we are only interested in making sure our individual life experiences are fulfilling and we stop looking any farther than ourselves. This is a simplification of course as the family interest is behind a lot of the things we do regardless of how close to the top of the priority list.
I suppose the purpose of this experiment is to see what change I can effect in my life. I've obviously identified a place where there is room for improvement. Making a change here though will require commitment of not just myself but the rest of the family. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that life has and will continue to be in the way and will undoubtedly make this difficult.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Mother: Day Whatever it is
When I first started writing this blog, I sent the link to my parents and asked that they find a few moments, if they could, to take a look. I hadn't heard anything from either of them until this morning. I got an email from my mother, who has been in Jamaica on vacation with a girlfriend for the last week, telling me she had spent an hour reading all my posts. She had a few comments to make, which she couldn't figure out how to actually post on the blog, god love her.
Her first comment was about my use of the word "see-you-next-tuesday." I had actually used the word which she scolded me for and I have since changed it to the above. I figured she would probably take offense to it.
She echoed my feelings that I shouldn't be defacing public property and should find a way to leave my words without doing any damage. I'm still struggling with how to go about that challenge in a way that makes me comfortable. I'm thinking maybe chalk would be a good way to go. Easy to remove and should write on most surfaces. Hmm...
She also suggested I try to give my "What I Like About Yous" to someone I don't really like very much or know very well. I think this is an excellent suggestion. By looking deeper into someone I don't care for, perhaps I might discover something I'd always missed about them. I don't know that I can make this change for the rest of the time, but I'll certainly try to work that in on occasion. If my purpose is to find those things about others that are enjoyable qualities, I think this is a good exercise. She also asked if I needed to write it down or if I couldn't just say it. I think I'll stick to writing it down but mostly because I think handwritten communications are suffering a slow death, one which I have no interest in contributing to if I can help it.
Finally, she expressed her abhorrence for the idea of getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Fortunately, I don't care too much for it either and get up at 6. I've not been very good at this recently but am actually pretty excited to get back to it. Last week I had some things to do in the morning that kept me from being able to simply enjoy the morning time. Tomorrow will be a 5am rising but that'll just make Tuesday's 6am a little easier.
As far as I know, she hasn't received it yet, but my mother was actually the recipient of yesterday's "What I Like About You." John and I were having a drink after a movie and got to talking about our futures and where they're headed. More importantly, where we want them to go and how we can get there. Naturally, this led to an evaluating of our skills and what we might be qualified for. Also, how our current jobs were responsible for developing (or not) certain transferable skills.
My mother happens to be in the same line of work I am. Or rather, I'm in the same field she is. It is a very small community where everybody knows everybody else. As soon as I say my name, everyone in the room thinks to themselves "I wonder if she's related to..." It is sometimes a difficult position to be in given I'm still very new to this type of work and still have a lot to learn. My mother, on the other hand, has been doing it for, well, I won't say exactly how long for her sake, but a while. She is well-known, well liked and very respected in the field. I wish that I could be a bit more anonymous while I stumble along learning my way.
Anyway, as we continued our discussion and I said things like "I'm not sure whether this is what I want to do with my life" and "The one thing I was sure I DIDN'T want to do was get stuck doing what my mother does." Not to say it isn't respectable and important work, it's just not everything is for everyone. As we proceeded and I was thinking more about it, I was struck by a thought I had yet to have previously. What if the reason I'm so resistant to my line of work is because I'm afraid I'll never be as good at it as she is. It's impossible to continue doing this in this community without being known as my mother's daughter.
I should also add a bit of family history here before I share what I told her. My mother is not my biological mother. She is my biological father's sister. She has, however, raised me since I was only a few months old and is the only mother I've ever had or ever want to have. I have always been and will continue to be incredibly grateful to her. During our conversation last night John and I were looking back at the paths our parents have taken to get where they are. I realized that at my age, my mother had recently graduated law school, was working full time and was raising her brother's infant daughter all on her own. It was at that moment that I realized I had to tell my mother exactly what I thought of her. I texted this to her: "I just wanted you to know I don't know how you do it and you are absolutely fabulous and I can only hope to be more like you one day."
The length on this post has gotten a bit out of hand. I am hopeful that tomorrow I can begin the week with a renewed sense of urgency towards my challenges and that I can get back on the wagon. I've been lazy mostly and need to get my act back together. Until then.
Her first comment was about my use of the word "see-you-next-tuesday." I had actually used the word which she scolded me for and I have since changed it to the above. I figured she would probably take offense to it.
She echoed my feelings that I shouldn't be defacing public property and should find a way to leave my words without doing any damage. I'm still struggling with how to go about that challenge in a way that makes me comfortable. I'm thinking maybe chalk would be a good way to go. Easy to remove and should write on most surfaces. Hmm...
She also suggested I try to give my "What I Like About Yous" to someone I don't really like very much or know very well. I think this is an excellent suggestion. By looking deeper into someone I don't care for, perhaps I might discover something I'd always missed about them. I don't know that I can make this change for the rest of the time, but I'll certainly try to work that in on occasion. If my purpose is to find those things about others that are enjoyable qualities, I think this is a good exercise. She also asked if I needed to write it down or if I couldn't just say it. I think I'll stick to writing it down but mostly because I think handwritten communications are suffering a slow death, one which I have no interest in contributing to if I can help it.
Finally, she expressed her abhorrence for the idea of getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Fortunately, I don't care too much for it either and get up at 6. I've not been very good at this recently but am actually pretty excited to get back to it. Last week I had some things to do in the morning that kept me from being able to simply enjoy the morning time. Tomorrow will be a 5am rising but that'll just make Tuesday's 6am a little easier.
As far as I know, she hasn't received it yet, but my mother was actually the recipient of yesterday's "What I Like About You." John and I were having a drink after a movie and got to talking about our futures and where they're headed. More importantly, where we want them to go and how we can get there. Naturally, this led to an evaluating of our skills and what we might be qualified for. Also, how our current jobs were responsible for developing (or not) certain transferable skills.
My mother happens to be in the same line of work I am. Or rather, I'm in the same field she is. It is a very small community where everybody knows everybody else. As soon as I say my name, everyone in the room thinks to themselves "I wonder if she's related to..." It is sometimes a difficult position to be in given I'm still very new to this type of work and still have a lot to learn. My mother, on the other hand, has been doing it for, well, I won't say exactly how long for her sake, but a while. She is well-known, well liked and very respected in the field. I wish that I could be a bit more anonymous while I stumble along learning my way.
Anyway, as we continued our discussion and I said things like "I'm not sure whether this is what I want to do with my life" and "The one thing I was sure I DIDN'T want to do was get stuck doing what my mother does." Not to say it isn't respectable and important work, it's just not everything is for everyone. As we proceeded and I was thinking more about it, I was struck by a thought I had yet to have previously. What if the reason I'm so resistant to my line of work is because I'm afraid I'll never be as good at it as she is. It's impossible to continue doing this in this community without being known as my mother's daughter.
I should also add a bit of family history here before I share what I told her. My mother is not my biological mother. She is my biological father's sister. She has, however, raised me since I was only a few months old and is the only mother I've ever had or ever want to have. I have always been and will continue to be incredibly grateful to her. During our conversation last night John and I were looking back at the paths our parents have taken to get where they are. I realized that at my age, my mother had recently graduated law school, was working full time and was raising her brother's infant daughter all on her own. It was at that moment that I realized I had to tell my mother exactly what I thought of her. I texted this to her: "I just wanted you to know I don't know how you do it and you are absolutely fabulous and I can only hope to be more like you one day."
The length on this post has gotten a bit out of hand. I am hopeful that tomorrow I can begin the week with a renewed sense of urgency towards my challenges and that I can get back on the wagon. I've been lazy mostly and need to get my act back together. Until then.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Day Nine: No Longer A Mid-Day Edition
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I did manage to complete 2 out of 3 challenges on Day Eight. No word of the day but that one's on hiatus for now. After I finished my post I sent a text message to my lunch companion for the day. I told him "What I Like About You: You don't take yourself too seriously but know when earnestness is needed." Shortly thereafter, he replied, "Thanks, that's a nice compliment. Are you ok?"
I couldn't help but wonder whether this was a comment about me or about the world at large. Am I the kind of person who is so aloof or unappreciative that it's a shock when I offer an unexpected compliment? And not just shock-worthy but apparently so out of character that it prompts concern for my health? Or maybe it's just a gauge of what the world has become today. Everyone is so busy and wrapped up in their own lives (a stereotype to which I am no exception) that we can't be bothered to take the 20 seconds it took me to type my message and share what we enjoy about others with said others. I think this is the underlying reason for this challenge. I want to learn to appreciate the people in my life both for how they enrich my life and just for who they are. As I am learning, to recognize these things in others is not so difficult but making sure they know you're paying attention and you think they're great is more effort than I expected. I wonder if this will get easier as the time passes or if I'll find it even more difficult once I've exhausted the pool of people from which I can easily choose.
The Details: Setting-Lunch; Time-12:15pm. I met my friend. We talked about all sorts of things. Work (he does the same thing I do though arguably better given the years of experience), his college homecoming weekend, his kids and ultimately got around to the subject of John and I. We've been trying to figure out an ideal living arrangement considering we currently live and work in two different states. It's been a bit tricky and we have yet to identify the perfect solution. Anyway, I shared my concerns with him and the options we'd so far discussed. He offered some suggestions and expressed his empathy for what a difficult situation this is. I appreciated having a sounding board from someone who wasn't involved and didn't really have any interest in how it turned out aside from wanting the best for me.
Briefly, I have known this person for nearly half my life. I first met him when he came to work for my mom, his first job out of law school. We've always had an easy, playful relationship where we tease one another and generally enjoy each other's company. He is also famous for being a bit of a hellion, particularly at the office. He likes to play jokes on his colleagues and others around him. For example, when asked to write a character reference for my state bar application, the letter he sent to myself and my mother to review was less than glowing. I wish I still had it somewhere to accompany this post. It was, in fact, a depiction of a class-less, horrible girl who sometimes had trouble with the law both in the United States and Mexico. It was terrible. It was hilarious. It was a joke. You get the point.
As I told him in my note, one of the best things about my friend is his ability to not take anything seriously except for those things that must be taken seriously. I find that a lot of people have some trouble drawing the line in the right place. Some take everything WAY too seriously (which is typically the camp I'm in) while others don't take enough things seriously. He has managed to find a balance that is both charming and admirable and I told him so.
I couldn't help but wonder whether this was a comment about me or about the world at large. Am I the kind of person who is so aloof or unappreciative that it's a shock when I offer an unexpected compliment? And not just shock-worthy but apparently so out of character that it prompts concern for my health? Or maybe it's just a gauge of what the world has become today. Everyone is so busy and wrapped up in their own lives (a stereotype to which I am no exception) that we can't be bothered to take the 20 seconds it took me to type my message and share what we enjoy about others with said others. I think this is the underlying reason for this challenge. I want to learn to appreciate the people in my life both for how they enrich my life and just for who they are. As I am learning, to recognize these things in others is not so difficult but making sure they know you're paying attention and you think they're great is more effort than I expected. I wonder if this will get easier as the time passes or if I'll find it even more difficult once I've exhausted the pool of people from which I can easily choose.
The Details: Setting-Lunch; Time-12:15pm. I met my friend. We talked about all sorts of things. Work (he does the same thing I do though arguably better given the years of experience), his college homecoming weekend, his kids and ultimately got around to the subject of John and I. We've been trying to figure out an ideal living arrangement considering we currently live and work in two different states. It's been a bit tricky and we have yet to identify the perfect solution. Anyway, I shared my concerns with him and the options we'd so far discussed. He offered some suggestions and expressed his empathy for what a difficult situation this is. I appreciated having a sounding board from someone who wasn't involved and didn't really have any interest in how it turned out aside from wanting the best for me.
Briefly, I have known this person for nearly half my life. I first met him when he came to work for my mom, his first job out of law school. We've always had an easy, playful relationship where we tease one another and generally enjoy each other's company. He is also famous for being a bit of a hellion, particularly at the office. He likes to play jokes on his colleagues and others around him. For example, when asked to write a character reference for my state bar application, the letter he sent to myself and my mother to review was less than glowing. I wish I still had it somewhere to accompany this post. It was, in fact, a depiction of a class-less, horrible girl who sometimes had trouble with the law both in the United States and Mexico. It was terrible. It was hilarious. It was a joke. You get the point.
As I told him in my note, one of the best things about my friend is his ability to not take anything seriously except for those things that must be taken seriously. I find that a lot of people have some trouble drawing the line in the right place. Some take everything WAY too seriously (which is typically the camp I'm in) while others don't take enough things seriously. He has managed to find a balance that is both charming and admirable and I told him so.
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