When I first started writing this blog, I sent the link to my parents and asked that they find a few moments, if they could, to take a look. I hadn't heard anything from either of them until this morning. I got an email from my mother, who has been in Jamaica on vacation with a girlfriend for the last week, telling me she had spent an hour reading all my posts. She had a few comments to make, which she couldn't figure out how to actually post on the blog, god love her.
Her first comment was about my use of the word "see-you-next-tuesday." I had actually used the word which she scolded me for and I have since changed it to the above. I figured she would probably take offense to it.
She echoed my feelings that I shouldn't be defacing public property and should find a way to leave my words without doing any damage. I'm still struggling with how to go about that challenge in a way that makes me comfortable. I'm thinking maybe chalk would be a good way to go. Easy to remove and should write on most surfaces. Hmm...
She also suggested I try to give my "What I Like About Yous" to someone I don't really like very much or know very well. I think this is an excellent suggestion. By looking deeper into someone I don't care for, perhaps I might discover something I'd always missed about them. I don't know that I can make this change for the rest of the time, but I'll certainly try to work that in on occasion. If my purpose is to find those things about others that are enjoyable qualities, I think this is a good exercise. She also asked if I needed to write it down or if I couldn't just say it. I think I'll stick to writing it down but mostly because I think handwritten communications are suffering a slow death, one which I have no interest in contributing to if I can help it.
Finally, she expressed her abhorrence for the idea of getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Fortunately, I don't care too much for it either and get up at 6. I've not been very good at this recently but am actually pretty excited to get back to it. Last week I had some things to do in the morning that kept me from being able to simply enjoy the morning time. Tomorrow will be a 5am rising but that'll just make Tuesday's 6am a little easier.
As far as I know, she hasn't received it yet, but my mother was actually the recipient of yesterday's "What I Like About You." John and I were having a drink after a movie and got to talking about our futures and where they're headed. More importantly, where we want them to go and how we can get there. Naturally, this led to an evaluating of our skills and what we might be qualified for. Also, how our current jobs were responsible for developing (or not) certain transferable skills.
My mother happens to be in the same line of work I am. Or rather, I'm in the same field she is. It is a very small community where everybody knows everybody else. As soon as I say my name, everyone in the room thinks to themselves "I wonder if she's related to..." It is sometimes a difficult position to be in given I'm still very new to this type of work and still have a lot to learn. My mother, on the other hand, has been doing it for, well, I won't say exactly how long for her sake, but a while. She is well-known, well liked and very respected in the field. I wish that I could be a bit more anonymous while I stumble along learning my way.
Anyway, as we continued our discussion and I said things like "I'm not sure whether this is what I want to do with my life" and "The one thing I was sure I DIDN'T want to do was get stuck doing what my mother does." Not to say it isn't respectable and important work, it's just not everything is for everyone. As we proceeded and I was thinking more about it, I was struck by a thought I had yet to have previously. What if the reason I'm so resistant to my line of work is because I'm afraid I'll never be as good at it as she is. It's impossible to continue doing this in this community without being known as my mother's daughter.
I should also add a bit of family history here before I share what I told her. My mother is not my biological mother. She is my biological father's sister. She has, however, raised me since I was only a few months old and is the only mother I've ever had or ever want to have. I have always been and will continue to be incredibly grateful to her. During our conversation last night John and I were looking back at the paths our parents have taken to get where they are. I realized that at my age, my mother had recently graduated law school, was working full time and was raising her brother's infant daughter all on her own. It was at that moment that I realized I had to tell my mother exactly what I thought of her. I texted this to her: "I just wanted you to know I don't know how you do it and you are absolutely fabulous and I can only hope to be more like you one day."
The length on this post has gotten a bit out of hand. I am hopeful that tomorrow I can begin the week with a renewed sense of urgency towards my challenges and that I can get back on the wagon. I've been lazy mostly and need to get my act back together. Until then.
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